My darling (only) daughter took her class X CBSE board exams and successfully completed them on March 26, 2012. Now it was my duty to find her a good pastime until her school reopens and she moves into class XI. Usually in the CBSE system schools reopen after a brief break in the academic session, roughly around the mid-month of April and close for summer vacations in mid-May. Since she is moving from class X to class XI where you expect new students to join and some old ones to leave for other boards or junior colleges, we presumed that not much activity will take place in school during this period of April-May. After a bit of research we came to a discussion point that she should explore learning of a foreign language in this summer break. Since there are no such facilities in the place we live (Jodhpur), the nearest and convenient place for her would be Ahmedabad where she can be put up in my uncle's place. We found out that the Alliance Francaise centre at Ahmedabad runs French language programmes and the most suitable ones would be levels A1 followed by A2. As parents we thought this was a very good option and she can conveniently complete both the levels by the end of June to rejoin her school in July. After some initial resistance, my daughter agreed to go there and enroll herself for the programme. This was the first time she was leaving home and that too for such a long period - 3 months!! Thankfully she has some good friends in Ahmedabad as that is a place we frequently visit. Somehow we got her admitted into the programme and managed to set up local transportation and other facilities.
In my undergraduate programme I studied French for two years along with Maths, Physics, Computer Science and English. So I can read and understand French to some extent. This was one of the motivators for us to choose French against German or Spanish for her. In a few days she started texting to me small sentences in French, for which I am happy :) But living in another place, different to our own home is difficult. I understand. As a kid I used to go and spend every summer in my grand parents home, a remote village in Andhra Pradesh. I enjoyed it a lot. As a kid I had many friends too (real ones!!). But present day kids somehow do not have these privileges. I call them privileges because grandparents and their homes have now become a premium commodity. Over times, I see that today's grandparents have their ways of life, preference and priorities too. Nothing wrong, infact I appreciate their independence. But the freedom and a kind of "right" I used to exercise with my grandparents and the warmth they used to provide by way of their small yet wonderful gestures like feeding us with several varieties of foods, delicacies and savouries, taking us on a ride across the lakes, into the paddy fields, to the local circus and temples, getting new clothes stitched for us etc. are a rare sight now. Now all that I see is kids talking to their immediate family members over mobiles, that too when the mother or father prompts them to do so. Otherwise they are in their "wired (wierd) world" with their virtual friends. Why accuse them? Until some relative pokes, my mother-in-law herself forgets to inquire about her grand daughter. Thank God! my parents still keep talking to my daughter every day even if they do not find time to talk to me!! As a result I think today's kids are not used to adjusting with different kinds of people, their mentalities and behaviours. Every thing is "urgh!!!! or aarrgh!!!" for them. Immediate response to any of your explanations is "please maa.......now you don't start off".
If this is one hand, on the other is difficult human relations. How to be unaffected or detached though being affected/impacted by whatever happens with the people we are involved with? Big question! Myself and my husband used to have and still have long long discussions and debates about this topic. Never are we tired of introspecting and retrospecting our deeds, mistakes, accomplishments and relationships. We keep reading new things and keep discussing and inferring things :) Recently we read an interesting article written by the Principal of DPS Jodhpur on parenting styles where he talks about permissive parents, authoritarian parents and authoritative parents. After reading that we concluded that we are authoritarian parents that allow their children to be independent and grow into responsible citizens by carefully guiding them, giving them freedom where needed and exercising authority when required.
When my daughter started communicating continuously her grief saga about how and why she does not want to continue level A2 there, I listened patiently for a few days and attempted offering my piece of brain to her. But one day I had to say "enough!". Silence ruled between us for a little more than 24 hours. Then I assumed my role of a typical authoritative mother and dictated my terms to her. After a few days normalcy got restored naturally. Last night I communicated to her that her taking the next level of language course was not unimportant to me, however that was not primary also for me. What is of primary importance to me was that she learns to live with different people, different mind sets, behaviours. She is at that tender age where she can be trained to be developed into a good, intelligent and a wise human being. After all where she is staying is our immediate family and her own friends whom she likes very much. She has to learn to accept people as they are. Learn to discriminate between right and wrong; good and bad; positive and negative. After all these are the basic elements our life is made of. She also has to learn about mindful spending that too all by herself. Most importantly she has to learn how to be unaffected by the happenings in her surroundings and concentrate on reaching her target. I always offer two questions to anyone who comes up with human relations related or similar issues - first, can you exercise your control over the situation or influence it? second, how directly or indirectly does that particular issue affect you or impact or influence you? If you can answer these questions, you will find your way. This is what I call 'being detached while being participative'. As I am trying to practice this art, so I am trying to teach my child too.
In my undergraduate programme I studied French for two years along with Maths, Physics, Computer Science and English. So I can read and understand French to some extent. This was one of the motivators for us to choose French against German or Spanish for her. In a few days she started texting to me small sentences in French, for which I am happy :) But living in another place, different to our own home is difficult. I understand. As a kid I used to go and spend every summer in my grand parents home, a remote village in Andhra Pradesh. I enjoyed it a lot. As a kid I had many friends too (real ones!!). But present day kids somehow do not have these privileges. I call them privileges because grandparents and their homes have now become a premium commodity. Over times, I see that today's grandparents have their ways of life, preference and priorities too. Nothing wrong, infact I appreciate their independence. But the freedom and a kind of "right" I used to exercise with my grandparents and the warmth they used to provide by way of their small yet wonderful gestures like feeding us with several varieties of foods, delicacies and savouries, taking us on a ride across the lakes, into the paddy fields, to the local circus and temples, getting new clothes stitched for us etc. are a rare sight now. Now all that I see is kids talking to their immediate family members over mobiles, that too when the mother or father prompts them to do so. Otherwise they are in their "wired (wierd) world" with their virtual friends. Why accuse them? Until some relative pokes, my mother-in-law herself forgets to inquire about her grand daughter. Thank God! my parents still keep talking to my daughter every day even if they do not find time to talk to me!! As a result I think today's kids are not used to adjusting with different kinds of people, their mentalities and behaviours. Every thing is "urgh!!!! or aarrgh!!!" for them. Immediate response to any of your explanations is "please maa.......now you don't start off".
If this is one hand, on the other is difficult human relations. How to be unaffected or detached though being affected/impacted by whatever happens with the people we are involved with? Big question! Myself and my husband used to have and still have long long discussions and debates about this topic. Never are we tired of introspecting and retrospecting our deeds, mistakes, accomplishments and relationships. We keep reading new things and keep discussing and inferring things :) Recently we read an interesting article written by the Principal of DPS Jodhpur on parenting styles where he talks about permissive parents, authoritarian parents and authoritative parents. After reading that we concluded that we are authoritarian parents that allow their children to be independent and grow into responsible citizens by carefully guiding them, giving them freedom where needed and exercising authority when required.
When my daughter started communicating continuously her grief saga about how and why she does not want to continue level A2 there, I listened patiently for a few days and attempted offering my piece of brain to her. But one day I had to say "enough!". Silence ruled between us for a little more than 24 hours. Then I assumed my role of a typical authoritative mother and dictated my terms to her. After a few days normalcy got restored naturally. Last night I communicated to her that her taking the next level of language course was not unimportant to me, however that was not primary also for me. What is of primary importance to me was that she learns to live with different people, different mind sets, behaviours. She is at that tender age where she can be trained to be developed into a good, intelligent and a wise human being. After all where she is staying is our immediate family and her own friends whom she likes very much. She has to learn to accept people as they are. Learn to discriminate between right and wrong; good and bad; positive and negative. After all these are the basic elements our life is made of. She also has to learn about mindful spending that too all by herself. Most importantly she has to learn how to be unaffected by the happenings in her surroundings and concentrate on reaching her target. I always offer two questions to anyone who comes up with human relations related or similar issues - first, can you exercise your control over the situation or influence it? second, how directly or indirectly does that particular issue affect you or impact or influence you? If you can answer these questions, you will find your way. This is what I call 'being detached while being participative'. As I am trying to practice this art, so I am trying to teach my child too.
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