What went wrong?

It has been a few months that I bought this book - Essentialism by Greg McKeown. I found the book very realistic and baring the naked truth of my life in my face. But could not get even half way through it... as usual, got distracted with the non-essentials in my, after all, plain Jane life. I hate to say this but my life is mundanely simple. There are no excitements, no yahoo moments, not much of travel, no great social connect either. But I do have a bunch of good friends. Interestingly, I have picked up good friends in all walks of my life. I am neither a chatty kind nor a monk. And, am happy for the fact that my friends do not hate me. I do not offer opinions and advises, unless specifically asked for. Nor do I criticize anybody 'coz I do not know what the other person is/was caught up in. In a nutshell, I do not waste my energy on this stuff. And, I am meticulous in whatever work I am given to do. These are a few things that I am proud of.

Well, coming back to the book in reference. I, once again, picked up this book to continue reading. I am still not completely through the book, mind you. There are a few points in this book, to which my response was - bang on! exactly! this is what I am looking for. I am looking to learn the art of perfect editing in my life, to wade my way through all the non-essentials to reach the essentials only. I started to reel back into my life, trying to find where did all the stuff I am clogged with currently, actually start to come to me. Somewhere in my thoughts I realized one thing. It is we who leave the breadcrumbs for the ants to pick. We leave the trail. Why blame the ants? It is their nature to follow the trail, come and bite. We asked for it.

Let me come to the interesting part now, or do I think so. I'll start from my first job. I was very happy in my first job as it taught me what is it to be a professional. The place was wonderful and progressive. But it did not last long. I found another one, a regular, permanent position with a stable pay scale. But the place was regressive. What to speak of the culture? Volumes to pour out. I thought to myself, instead of mourning incessantly over what I cannot control, let me diversify my talent. If I cannot do what I am good at, let me learn something else which can be put to use in the present context. That is not a wrong approach. Soon I started getting additional responsibilities. It did pay its dividends in terms of identification. I became the reliable, meticulous, dependable, talented, you name it - you got it fairy, etc. Sky is your limit to fill your imagination with. Alongside, I also acquired a higher qualification. Soon I outgrew the place and started feeling like a big fish in small pond. I was feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, overworked, undervalued, stretched too thin, underutilized, always busy but never productive enough to receive promotion in the position I was actually hired for. Meanwhile, my other colleagues, who cannot even reach my mark in any of the standards that I have set in my work, who are way behind me in communication, skills, knowledge, attitude, have bucked up for reaching that mandatory mark for receiving promotion with their sub-standard skillset. Everyone out there in the management knew their work would not qualify to add any value neither to the organization nor to the profession. Their so called writings are just another piece of burden on the already existing body of literature in the profession. Yet, they were considered to receive the promotion. Why? Because they did exactly what they have been hired for. They did not think of whether the work they were hired for, is giving them enough kick. Whether the pages they are writing in the name of professional literature is adding any value. Whether or not what they are doing in the workplace between their clock-in and clock-out is contributing to the growth of the organization. No Sir. No Ma'am. Nope. That is not a matter of botheration for them. And, the management would just accord numbers to the number of sub-standard literature they may have produced, to the number of sub-standard events they may have attended whether or not they have displayed any presentation skills, to the number of official paper work they may have processed whether or not due diligence has been exercised. And what was I doing? Looking for a kick in the work I do. Filling my Curriculum Vitae with the vitals of all additional responsibilities I am good at and am shouldering as my contribution towards the growth of the organization. But I remained un-belonged despite showing my best attachment to the place; I remained a step-child to that place. As luck favored I got another job, a better one, at a most sought-after place in my profession. Honestly, it did not occur to me at that point in time that I am leaving breadcrumbs to be bitten once again. Well, the story did not start off as I expected but was full of downs with no ups to keep my chin up for the first few years. But, with time, the sun started shining bright, once again I could smell the fresh breeze. What I did not see was that the ants picked up the trail. In the name of using my talent, making me feel belonged, I was given, once again, the "additional responsibilities" to shoulder, alongside of my own official and professional responsibilities, in other words, my primary responsibilities. As long as the story sticks to the 80:20 ratio of primary : additional mix, it looks good. By this time, I became a team leader and fortunately I had a very good team with me. Now also I am a good team leader and a very good boss. I am not saying this all by myself. My team expresses so. :-D The sob story started when the 20 of additional started seeping and eating into my 80 of the primary. Essentials : Non-essentials ratio slowly turned upside down and before I could realize, it started damaging my peace.

How did this happen? I sat to retrospect, introspect and analyze where, how and what went wrong. Perhaps it was my restlessness to excel in whatever I do, to be creative and meticulous, to be contributing and true to every penny that I am paid for, has brought doom to me. I thought I should mention every bit that I have done, in my resume. Everything that I learnt and am good at. I thought I am supposed to mention every detail of whatever I have done throughout the year, in my dossiers. It never occurred to me that these are the breadcrumbs that I am leaving a trail of. Initially it was all good until down the years when evaluators changed, mindsets changed and perspectives changed, I started getting remarks uncalled for. All for what? For assuming additional responsibility and showing belongingness? Because people got used to me doing these extra things, they thought it is in my profile forever. Clearly I sabotaged my own professional growth by putting it on the back burner.

But why was I doing what I regret doing now? In the book I mentioned above, McKeown provides few interesting pointers. Probably I was committing myself to these mundane, additional tasks out of lack of belongingness? Out of the fear of missing out? Perhaps, yes. Well, I will not hold myself responsible in the entirety of it, lest I would kill myself. We all learn from our past experiences, particularly, the mistakes. This book, I must say, is a right time, right read. I am not late in realizing the source of damage I inflicted upon myself.

Going ahead, I see that some techniques like unlearning, uncommitting and reverse piloting, as McKeown writes, promise to help. A few years ago, I was the one who preached my husband about reverse piloting to make him see what people are actually doing to him. Taking undue advantage of his goodness, skills and attitude and undervaluing his efforts. But I forgot to apply it in my own life. So, my dear readers, as we draw close to wrapping up of this year 2021, I am taking my time out to understand what went wrong with me and how do I correct it, to work on bringing my health back on track, to spend some quality time with my loved ones to make them feel valued in my life, that their health and happiness matters to me, that I love myself as much as I love being "the perfect one" at work and at home. My key phrases for 2022 are going to be - to unlearn (what I learnt and did not work for me), to uncommit (if I have casually committed or have over committed), to reverse pilot and limit my self (have the freedom to set my boundaries), to learn the invisible art of editing (differentiating the non-essentials from essentials and to apply the "cis" - literally meaning to cut or kill :'-D - where required), and to attempt to apply the Eisenhower's matrix to my work, wherever possible. This long note also has a root from a long conversation I had with a dear friend of mine, trying to identify the stressors that led my physical health to pits. By talking to him, I realize now, I got a neutral second opinion that supported my mind's voice that cried "I am not married to this" (whatever stressed me out). By the way, he was the one who suggested using Eisenhower's matrix.

While I am tending to my loved ones this year-end, I wish you all a wonderful time with your loved ones too and new beginnings that usher in brightness into your lives...!!